Let me have the chute please…nurse! the screens!

I want to have a fair play situation in which the top Premier League teams are treated fairly, as the current situation is simply intolerable. Having gone through 38 rounds, the top 4 teams (normally) enter the CL (at varying stages). The team in 5^th place (normally) enters the Europa League. There are various other entrants possible to the Europa League through cups and fairly play.

It is very unfair to teams which do not do well in the CL to be cast into the cold, so some of these enter the EL.

Now let’s extend this a bit …

The team coming 6^th in the PL has no CL or EL entry (normally). This seems very unfair, so they should now be guaranteed the safe position of 6^th whilst being allowed to drop to the relegation battle for parachute funds. This would create a level playing field in which a far superior team that has failed in other competition is enabled to compete for funding that a lower team may have needed badly as it was not in position to compete with the other team financially in the first place. By relegation battle, I mean a new competition for (against?) relegation in which the winner remains in the PL. If the winner is the PL team competing that was in 6^th place nothing changes and the former relegation contenders all get relegated, subject to a tremendously complicated rule which ensures that the teams should be relegated if they are not ‘PL material’ and the team placed 6^th gets a parachute payment for being a bit upset about things.

Are you still with me?

Parachute payments should be made to the richest clubs in order of richness should they fail to win anything in order to help alleviate the consequences of any drop and change a drop to a gentle slope.

Championship teams in the playoffs would be joined by those in the PL which did not qualify for the CL or EL or which did not reach 6^th place. The PL teams would retain their PL status and would lose nothing but could qualify for a promotion bonus if they win the playoffs.

Now here is a major point. A PL team winning the championship playoffs would get a financial bonus to enter the PL in which they already play. This will be higher than would have been given to a championship team as they would not be used to having money really and would not know what to do with it. The PL team of certain stature would know how to misuse the money properly.

Are you still following? Is it Thursday? Must be Shepherds pie.

I get really fed up with people challenging these simple rules and systems. They are a trouble-making minority hell bent on ruining this wonderful game that we have today. If only they knew the hours I have spent behind the scenes to develop all of this for the sake of the fans whilst taking a tiny salary and not doing that thing MPs are accused of doing with expenses.

NURSE – THE SCREENS!