Real Madrid offer everything in the world for Bale


Real Madrid are preparing a massive offer of £EVERYTHING* for Tottenham star Gareth Bale.

The Spanish club are set to club together every resource they can get their hands on to bring Gareth Bale to the Bernabeu. However, this may prove to be difficult as the Bernabeu is set to be used as part of the deal to sign the Welsh winger.

Authorities are trying to block the move, but Real Madrid president Florentino Perez has told them via a parody of a Beach Boys song that he is “Florentino Perez” and he “signs who he wants.”

Perez has assembled a crack team of ‘gathering galacticos’ to gather all things that could possibly be used in a deal to bring Bale to Madrid.

Perez and his team have been scouring not only the club, but also the streets of Madrid, and have been throwing everything of an saleable value in a big vault, which is said to currently include 3 market stalls, The Spanish Royal Palace, upwards of a hundred Madrid citizens, a tram and Angel Di Maria.

However, Daniel Levy has been quick to quash the rumours, assuring Spurs fans everywhere that Bale is not for sale at any price.

“We are not looking to sell our best player. That is simply not what we do here at Tottenham Hotspur” claimed Levy, with cartoon pound signs taking the place of his pupils.

Despite Levy’s claims, Spurs have reportedly already begun to look for replacements for two times player of the year attacking maestro Gareth Bale, and so far have been linked with several defensive midfielders.

*Top tip for aspiring journo’s. If quoting a bid, make sure you refer to it as ‘massive’, ‘huge’, or ‘extravagant’, and then put the number in CAPITALS. Thus emphasising that the game has gone MAD.

This is of course a satirical piece and the above “Daniel Levy quotes” are not from the man himself and are in fact fictional for those who believe everything they read.

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      • I think dannyspurs88 is being humorous there Anthony, everyone knows that's not enough to seal the deal, if they throw in Xavi Alonso, Kaka, Di Maria and Modric too then we MIGHT be willing to sit at the negotiating table

    • Totally agree, they should also acquire Messi and sell him straight on as part of the deal, and then fund our new stadium while they're at it.

      THEN, the transfer fee can remain at £80M

      Deal or no deal, thats what I'd put on the table if I were Levy

  1. Higuain,Coentrao,Di Maria and 70 million of the 70 million we get Jackson Martinez,Miralem Pjanic,Damiao and a goalkeeper(backup for Lloris).Sell Defoe,Adebeyor,Parker,Bentley,Ekotto,Huddlestone then we’ll have enough if we need to spend in the next transfer window

    • For the first time THE REAL DUDE will NOT get what he wants. Spanish Omellette arrogance for once is going to be put into its place. Dan Levy is obliged to convince AVB THAT he was right to )1 appoint him and 2) to snub PSG. THAT'S WHY he's trying his level best to support ALL that AVB demands to be a success like appointing a sports technical director.

  2. Why iz real madrid after bale like that…we already have a nice coach,some new boys in addition casemiro,carvajal,isco all we just need more is a striker like cavani or suares and will get the pre season started…ronaldo going nowhere..he’s gonna where the emirate jersey with los merenques


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