The Exodus


And the lord said unto Andre “go forth with only one man. Take the one named Defoe and go north to be amongst the people of Geordie.” And yay, Andre was crestfallen. He had been deceived by Daniel of the Levy tribe with the promises of great riches but now had to turn to the young one, Harry of Kane.

Alone, desolate, Andre began his long pilgrimage to Geordie. The people of his tribe were calling foul of the false dawn they had been sold; where was the messiah they had so long sought? Why had the false idol of Togo, once of their great enemies, been not yet returned to them?

As thoughts and envious eyes turned to the people of Manchester and their great riches, Andre fell into a deep sleep where an angel he recognised as the recently passed King Ledley appeared to him.

“Fear not Andre. While your time in Geordie will come, you must not depart just yet for there is much work to be done. Instead of going north to the cold climes of Geordie, go south to the warmth of Valencia, for it is still pre-season and the time to go to Geordie is not yet at hand.”

Fearful of purgatory, Andre said unto Ledley “but my people are restless, they fear being exposed having only Defoe to lead us.” Ledley paused for a moment and said unto Andre “fear not the keyboard warriors or the false chatter of Twitter. For a great window remains open until the end of the month.”

Andre told his people the following morning of his dream. “Great patient supporters, I urge you not to despair. King Ledley appeared last evening in a dream and told me that there is still some time until the great window closes. Follow me to the warmth of Valenica and stop whining like little bitches.”

Some, warmed by great faith in the word of Andre, followed him to the promise Valencia buoyed by the knowledge of the great window and that there was still much time to swell their numbers. Others, impatient and eager for new riches remained to carve new messages into their tablets.

And yay, Andre and his followers did awake the next morning free from fear; for the words of King Ledley had come to pass and there was indeed a great window with some time to its closing. Andre and his people knew that perhaps patience was required.

By @d_levy

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  1. Ok but lacking the style, finesse or humour of the similarly themed offerings of far greater quality available on Dear Mr Levy.

  2. just a copy of a biblical theme for amusement on Dear Mr Levy – only this one's therefore not amusing, just boring

  3. its really strange that the bible aided attempt at humour is so old that the writer must assume we are cunts and havent seen this loads and loads of times before. Sixth form humour from adults doesnt make me laugh ever and its very sa-from


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