Not Exactly A Kick-Arse Performance

A few questions and observations prompted by Saturday’s ‘performance’ ( I use the term loosely) at the Emirates.

(1)   Truly, it was yet another bad day at the orifice, hole of the Arse.

(2)   We seem to have confused FA Cup and Fuckup.

(3)   We are not a Kick-Arse team.

(4)   Some of our players need their arses kicked.

(5)   We shouldn’t blame Sherwood – too many of our players didn’t turn up.

(6)   We can’t blame Mark Clattenburg this time.

(7)   If Adebayor is the answer, it must have been a stupid fucking question.

(8)   Soldado needs to find his shooting boots – and quickly.

(9)   Was Sherwood right to substitute Soldado early in the 2nd half and keep Adebayor on? Before answering, see points (5), (7) and (8) above.

(10) Q: What would Berbatov have done if played as a lone striker?

A: (a) controlled the ball; (b) kept possession; (c) passed the ball accurately;

(d) worked the opposition keeper.

(11) Q: What did Adebayor and Soldado do?

A: Not (a), (b), (c) or (d).

(12) What was Danny Rose thinking?

(13) Does it really matter, given point (11) above?

(14) Walker seems to think he has to cover all our other defenders. Arguably, this cost us

the first goal as his attempt to cover Dawson left Cazorla unmarked. Arguably, this

nearly prevented their second goal as he almost caught Rosicky.

(15) Q: Would any of our players have taken either of the chances Cazorla and Rosicky


A: Their reserve keeper only had two shots on target to save, from Erikson in the

first half  and Dembele in the second. Also, see point (11).

(16) Q: What was Baldini saying to Levy?

A: These players I’ve signed are all brilliant, so it must be the manager’s fault.

(17) Q: What was Levy thinking?

A:  Did I say 18 months?

(18) Why do we always seem to entrust corner-taking to players incapable of

beating the first defender? Erikson is the latest in a long line and we never seem to


(19) Roy Keane was right when he said on ITV that ‘Spurs always let you down.’

(20) Q: How should Sherwood try to motivate the team now?

A: Pin Keane’s words up on the dressing room wall.

(21) Q: Will this work with Adebayor?

A:  No.

(22) Q: Will anything?

A: Fuck knows.

(23) How much are we paying Adebayor again?

(24) Is it true that the cost of a ticket for Saturday’s game was £80?

(25) Q: Is it right for fans to throw coins at footballers who bait them?

A: See point (23) and substitute Walcott for Adebayor.

(26) Spurs fans’ reaction to Walcott demonstrating he could count to two was really

just displaced anger at yet another piss-poor performance from Spurs. Discuss.

(27) We got what we deserved – FA.

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