A Mug’s Game Review: Fulham 1-3 Spurs

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Gareth Bale - Spurs News

I like a lot of things about Fulham.  Mostly everyone that used to be at Spurs, but aren’t anymore, except Zamora. Martin Jol with his cuddly exterior, Danny Murphy in midfield, and Stephen Kelly.

What, yeah, I do actually like Kelly.  I like him because new years eve 2000 I was in a shithouse pub in Dublin, and I spent it with him.  He was a reserve back then, but we had some mutual friends, and we chatted away and even kissed when the clock struck midnight.  I’ve never seen or spoken to him since, but the memories live on…

Watching Spurs today was much like getting drunk in said shithouse pub.  You start the evening planning thenightoendallnights, you’ve just been paid and a condom in your wallet (just in case).  You’re strolling up to the pub, the banter’s flying around, and remember eating is cheating.  This isn’t too different to the start of this Spurs game.  Spirits high, and form on our side.

The Drinks are flowing and it’s a full on assault on your senses – Fulham pounding the Spurs goal.  The first shot of the night and BANG! Bale slams home the Tequila and Fulham are left sucking lemons.  Back on the Peroni’s and a couple of knowing looks from the local “talent”.

Don’t look at the wrong girl or you’ll get blindsided by the ‘roid head you didn’t see as you were too busy drooling.  Scott Parker got flattened after running into Steve Sidwell’s elbow.  He was out and those eyes were puffing up as the seconds went by.  You can’t let a blip like that ruin you’re night though, and Scotty Parker was right back in there.  He even got the round in.  Nice one BRUVA!!!!!!

The ladies are drying up its time to move on to the disco.  Just one flaming Sambucca before we leave, and there it is Aaron Lennon latches on to a gloriously inventive back pass from Bale, runs at Baird, merks him and then hammers that goal home!!! Come on you BEAUTY!!!!!!!!!  Let’s roll, 2-0 and we’re in control.

If anyone’s ever been to the God Ship in Kilburn, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what Spur’s second half performance was like.  It’s the sort of place that as soon as you walk into it, you know it was a mistake.  The fact you have to pay a fiver for the pleasure of being bombarded by the worst sound system, and probably the most awful piss water in London too, shocking.  Spurs were in that pub, but it’s two in the morning and there was nowhere else to go.

As you would with the boys, you’ve got to take those knocks.  You might bring up a little vom – Fulham’s leveller through highball tactics – just swallow it down.  Stick with it!  You’ve got to win ugly sometimes and Spurs were so lucky.  Fulham came dangerously close to hammering in an equaliser.  They didn’t, and thank the football Gods for that.

After Fulham coming so stupidly close to scoring after ninety minutes, Spurs went up and got a third goal to seal the win.  If I’m honest, you won’t see many goals more well engineered that Defoe’s volley, it was a bit like getting off with your mates sister in the pub toilets.  You can’t really celebrate it, and it was an ending to a night that never, truly, delivered in the end.  Maybe if Harry were there, Spurs would have been better directed in order to defuse the Fulham fire.   However, I hate speculation on things you’ll never know.

MOTM Brad Freidel – because despite your dad being so much older than you, he can still hold his booze down better than you’ll ever be able to!

International Break – Boo!!  When we get back its Aston Villa at home.  Get well soon Redders and stay safe all the international boys.  We’re in business, BIG TIME!!!!!!

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6 COMMENTS

  1. most awful piss water , I'll guarantee you drink knats piss. Where I drink round Highbury the scum drink stuff like Carling Black Label or fucking kronenburg, thats piss water honey not whjat Fulham sell, its probably the same level and what sad fuck judges a ground on its piss water, they all sell shit. Be a skinhead , drink bombadier wanker

  2. dont know who that idiot was, was he a spurs fan? we won well i thought yeh brad friedel saved us but isnt that what we got him for? we look like we can do anyone glad that modric situation is sorted couldnt believe he was gonna go to chelsea who are not a bigger club than us never have been, and were as good as them lets hope luca knows it, we play the best football to watch and we dont need a pmc stands for plastic money club takeover weve got good scouts and people want to play our pure football

  3. lee dunphy is right, we've done things the right way although we have spent a few bob we haven't gone out and bought a subbuteo team in one sweep but if you want to know the way ahead lets get home grown kids like united did when they started out, is it impossible to find a sneaky fucking weasal like modric in the uk, i think not

  4. More difficult than you think….any British kids fortunate enough to be born with Modric's natural ability will have their talent coached out of 'em and replaced with aggression, stamina and tackling skills, etc. Thats grass roots football in the UK for you and way our game is. Ask yourself where is the next Hoddle or Gascoigne right now and you will be hard pressed to come up with any candidates.

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