Before the Premier League you could get buy a half decent player for around Â£300K. Now it turns out, thatâ€™s what Peter Crouchâ€™s clubs have paid between them â€“ for every single one of his goals.
The lanky one has played for seven clubs and theyâ€™ve paid a total of 33.5M in fees for the privilege. His goal tally is 109 which works out, discounting 4 he scored on loan to Norwich, at around 300K each. While you recover from that figure digest the news that, according to no less an expert than Tony Cascarino, heâ€™s the best British buy this close season. So itâ€™s hats off to Harry and a large scotch for Chairman Levy as he thinks about an eye-watering Â£300K every time big Crouchy scores.
But thatâ€™s history of course. Because every time he scores for us the cost per goal goes down. There, you feel better already donâ€™t you? Just in case Crouch doesnâ€™t score enough, maybe heâ€™d better have a word with Cascarino about his playing days at Marseille. Because according to his autobiography, the club presidentâ€™s personal physician used to give the team injections with an â€˜unknownâ€™ substance which made Cas feel livelier and more goal hungry. The club physio insisted that the substance was perfectly legal, so thatâ€™s OK then . . . maybe.
If all that isnâ€™t a big enough shock to your system, how about news weâ€™re in the top 4? Yes, according to a survey weâ€™re second in the league for the amount of time fans spend obsessing about their club. Top of the league are new boys Burnley, then itâ€™s us, with Liverpool third and Gooners fourth. Guess weâ€™d all settle for that next May, and after Harry makes a few more signings we might even overtake Burnley!
By Phil Rowson
Have something to tell us about this article?