Only £308k a goal – Crouch in top bargain shock

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Peter Crouch - Header

Before the Premier League you could get buy a half decent player for around £300K. Now it turns out, that’s what Peter Crouch’s clubs have paid between them – for every single one of his goals.

The lanky one has played for seven clubs and they’ve paid a total of 33.5M in fees for the privilege. His goal tally is 109 which works out, discounting 4 he scored on loan to Norwich, at around 300K each. While you recover from that figure digest the news that, according to no less an expert than Tony Cascarino, he’s the best British buy this close season. So it’s hats off to Harry and a large scotch for Chairman Levy as he thinks about an eye-watering £300K every time big Crouchy scores.

But that’s history of course. Because every time he scores for us the cost per goal goes down. There, you feel better already don’t you? Just in case Crouch doesn’t score enough, maybe he’d better have a word with Cascarino about his playing days at Marseille. Because according to his autobiography, the club president’s personal physician used to give the team injections with an ‘unknown’ substance which made Cas feel livelier and more goal hungry. The club physio insisted that the substance was perfectly legal, so that’s OK then . . . maybe.

If all that isn’t a big enough shock to your system, how about news we’re in the top 4? Yes, according to a survey we’re second in the league for the amount of time fans spend obsessing about their club. Top of the league are new boys Burnley, then it’s us, with Liverpool third and Gooners fourth. Guess we’d all settle for that next May, and after Harry makes a few more signings we might even overtake Burnley!

By Phil Rowson

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16 COMMENTS

  1. Unfortunately your maths doesn’t quite work out.

    If you are saying that the £33m includes the £9m we paid, then every goal he scores for us actually brings this figure down.

    In the unlikely event that he scores 20 goals for us this season that brings his price per goal down to £259k.

    If he scores 20 goals a season for the next 4 years that would be £177k per goal.

    More importantly, Levy doesn’t give a toss about his cost per goal over his entire career, so if he scores 20 goals a season for the next 4 years that will be a cost of £112,500 per goal to us.

    And he he manages that it will have been worth every penny!

    Ho

  2. Frazzler, Hoe – both of you – read it again. “Because every time he scores for us the cost per goal goes down”

    Think we must be top of the league for fans who comment without reading properly….

  3. stupid article. crouch is a player who has got better with age – how the hell is it relevant to us how many goals he scored at the start of his career? At the end of the day, he was excellent for Portsmouth and has been good for England recently. I don’t care about combined transfer fees – in my mind we’ve paid 9 million for him and Sunderland are about to give us 12-14 million for bent. happy days.

  4. All Crouch is, is a donkey with long legs. Every team that buys him trys to sell him within 2 years. Why because they each have paid to much for him and forked out to much for his wages.
    The front line apart from Roman are very poor 2nd class players, you don’t find teams trying to buy them. What let us down last year? Goals, Goals, Goals.

    We always sell our top scoring player, WHY?

    Spurs since 1958

  5. But if Pompy received in a fee what they paid for him, does that make all his goals free??
    stupid article!
    this is everything that is wrong with the web allowing idiots like this to have a voice.
    COYS

  6. What disloyal nonsense.Crouch’s international record is nearly one every two games.He got 18 last season in a relegation threatened Pompey side.Alongside Defoe he scored 9 while Defoe scored 8.Also he’s a Spurs player and deserves support.As COYS said.

  7. how stupid. his cost per goal is acquisition costs plus all renumeration then subtract what he is sold for. divide that by goals scored. even that does not represent the full picture as u need to take into account the cost of any new person you bring him. and a lot more things to take into account

  8. Duh?! His combined price tags may be £33.5m, but that’s not his cumulative cost is it?!

    For example if a player is sold for £10m then again for £10m then again for £10m his actual cost is only £10m (plus wages)… as the first 2 clubs get £10m each (the first without expense) and the 3rd has forked out £10m.

    I love these muppets who think they’re know-it-alls but reall can’t even do simple maths!

    Do the maths and tell me what his real cost is Mr Rowson.

  9. i don`t care about the math bullshit all i care about is how many more games are we likely to win with crouch playing & to be honest probably no more as he isn`t better than we already had ,he`s average & scores most of his goals against weaker opposition especially for england if you have mid table asppirations then he`ll do a job but why spend 9 mill if you only have mid table ambition ,if defoe & crouch played so well together at portsmouth then how can defoe 8 goals crouch 9 goals be seen as a lethal partnership ,bent scored that amount on his own ,& mainly as a sustitute ,crouch is a giant step(get it !)backwards for me ,just like bringing keane back ,top bargain my arse not even worth 5 million to me ,i would have preferred to keep bent & spent nine mill on centre back or left midfielder ,bring modric inside with palacios& sell another clearly overrated player in jenas ,come on guys how can a 12 maximum goals a season player who can`t head the ball straight be the answer we need someone alot more prolific ,because keane aint ,pav aint, now crouch aint ,what happens if defoe struggles for form or gets injured we`re screwed

  10. Oh dear Jonson oh dear oh dear.Crouch and Defoe scored 17 in 23 games together.Are you short of stature as well as intellect.Is that the problem?is it?

  11. I dont care what he loks like is girfriend is a looker and he can do overhead kicks like like michael jackson can moon walk .So lay of the big bird dont forget he played for the duracell bunnies that meens liverskint wont beat us for energy if croutchy sees the liverskint physio, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

  12. sunderland lad here . what are you all complaining about ? crouch is a good player and when we buy bent you will have extra cash to buy a decent defender .we wanted crouch but the lad is from the south . tell you what ! you can keep him . we will have bent . thanks .

  13. come on guys, what’s done is done. crouchy’s now a spurs player, LIVE WITH IT. don’t talk about the past. don’t talk about values or statistics. it’s over, GET IT…..as loyal and trusted fans, let’s support harry and the gang. if you don’t agree or not happy, there’s always the gooners you can cheer for.

  14. You are all quite correct, I never did like maths. But the fact remains that 33.5M divided by 109 works out at over 300,000 per goal which was my point. Enjoyed the rest of the comments though, let’s hope we get another 600K’s worth at least against Liverpool.

    Better mathematicians than myself, working for the Times, came up with the figures so eager bean counters please take your complaints there.

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