It’s West Ham on Sunday afternoon. Our mood is a slightly nervous one what with recent results and all. What’s the view from the land of whelks and cockles though? I interrupted an Iron in the middle of a right old cockney knees up and asked him a few questions.
So, who are you and why are you a West Ham fan?
I’m North Bank Norman’s handsome cousin. Why West Ham? 1966 World Cup Winners, Trevor falling over at Wembley to head past the Arse, the Boys of 86, Julian, Lasagne-gate, etc etc
I’m guessing you’re pleased with the way the season’s going. It’s been bubbles all the way so far?
Not if you went to either of the away league or home cup games against Wigan.
The stats for the defence are particularly impressive. Who has stood out?
Jusi and Ginge have been a bit suspect but Winston Reid has done well
Kevin Nolan appears to be influential, a proper red faced, gurning and fist pumping, get stuck in type leader?
Yep, our best Scouser since Alvin. He’s no Usain Bolt around the pitch but turns up in the right place when needed.
And how about Big Sam’s tactics? Is it true that there’s a jellied eel stall in the centre circle at Upton Park now that the midfield’s no longer in use?
No, but pie and liquor seem to be on the pitch whenever Carlton tries to run with the ball. For Sam, we’ve been playing a system that is expansive and closer to earth than expected. Jarvis and Yossi are no hoofers.
You couldn’t have picked a better time to play us; confidence and results are at a season low whilst injuries and suspensions (one!) are peaking. You must fancy your chances? (I do even if you don’t).
All Hammers will tell you that we can pull defeat out of victory at the drop of a hat. There is a job going at Chelski though so maybe AVB is thinking about having another go and is distracted.
Jermain Defoe will be leading our line, isn’t it time to forgive and forget?
And a few quick ones –
Adele or The Cockney Rejects?
Pie and mash with ‘gravy’ or a goat curry with rice and peas?
James Corden or Michael McIntyre?
If we are talking fat comedians then Porky Jupitus
Stephen Mangan or Russell Brand?
Someone with a pair of scissors
And a prediction for Sunday please?
Tube travel will be a shambles
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